It's just like.. I've been trough so much shit in my life, that nothing can hurt anymore.

Yep, i still think of you.

Why should I ever stop?
Cause you're there and we'll never meet? No, i wont.
I know, there must be an other girl in his life. It must be.
Just like theres another boy in my life.

My weight? Too much.
I hate myself for letting the control go.
I've got fat. I'm now at 72 kg and not at 67 anymore.
FUCK! I need to stop getting more fat. Believe me.
I do fight. But it's hard if you've lost the control once.
I think it's getting more easy to loose weigh in spring or summer,
because you're not the whole time at home, in your bed, eating cookies
with friends and so on. No, you're moving. You're ride bike, go and skate
and so on. Yeah. I LOVE summer and i keep on going and win this summer and i won't get that fat this time.

I WILL WIN!

And sometimes i ask myself, if it was good to find you.
Well, i would everytime reply with yes. It is good.
But why did we found us? Was it fate?
Normally, i don't believe in fate. But i think.
WE are something special.  Even if there is no we.
Actually i can't imange a life without you.
I would like to know how you think about that. 
Or, do you even think about that? About us?
About me? About me an you in future?                                                     I do!


Your name is spinning around in my head all day long.
From the first moment when i woke up. To the last,
when i fall asleep. You're always there. And i'm never alone.
Even if i don't know you. Don't know you in reality.
I think i'm a little bit lost without you.
You're my bank. My sea. My drug to stand in life.
To stay alive. To not go crazy. I think. I'm in love with you.
It might  be love or something else, it doesn't matters much to me,
because i know i can't loose something i've never had.
I'm addicted to you. But what are you to me?

I wish you were here...

Come on boy. Please. Come on.

But you're so far away.... -.-


♥

I've dreamd of you...

Did you ever dreamed of me? Did you?
I've been dreaming of you. Not only once.
I did it a lot of times. I've been waching you.
My body were trembling.
Your body had an awesome smell. I loved it.
Everytime you were acting normal.
And I were nervous. Do you ever think of me ?
Did you ever smiled when you got an text from me?
I always do. I'm just still alive in cause of you.
I were so sick that I would have killed me.
But you were there. You were there.
Everyday I was waiting. Just for you're texting me.
And i still do. Do I love you?
I think, i'm just captivated by you.  It might sound crazy.
But it's real. I hope i'll get the chance to touch your skin one day in reality.
Not only in a dream. I hope it so much!



Did you ever even think of me ?