And then,

you ask yourself, if the friends you've got are real friends.
Or if they are just pretending.
Why they alsways start something without you,
why they leave the class room witout you,
why they leave school without waiting for you, even if you got the same way.

If you should leave them, or not.
You know if you do, you'll be alone.
Otherwise - you are alone.
You are always alone..

Are we still alive or already dying?

Freundin geht heute in ne Klinik.
Depression kehrt zurück.
Mutter stresst.

Ich will sterben, und schlafen, nur schlafen, bis alles vorbei ist..

Everything we want,

is to be saved. Isn't it?
It's hard to life in a world, where most people feel ugly.
Or don't eat. Or eat and get it off again.
Where everyone is scared to get hurt.
To be cheated with someone.
Where no one permits feelings.

We want someone next to us.
Who we can talk about everything to.
Who we can love.
But we need to be able to love.
We need to be able to show feelings.
And I'm not.
I hate myself, my self destruction.
I hate my fucking mind.
I hate my fucking Body.
My legs, my arms, my everything.

We want someone loving.
Someone who is always there.
Someone, who gives us a kiss just before we go to sleep.
Someone, we can trust.
Someone, we can lay next to.
Someone, who calls us at night, just to tell us something sweet.
Someone, who's like the best Friend in the World, and like a boyfriend.
Someone, who seems Perfect.

We want Perfection.

I hate

to fall in love,
to be so far away from you,
to not beeing able to talk to you,
to not knowing the music you're listening right now,
to not knowing in what mood you are.

And i also hate, to have more guys and stuff in my head than i should.



And i hate myself.