And then,

you ask yourself, if the friends you've got are real friends.
Or if they are just pretending.
Why they alsways start something without you,
why they leave the class room witout you,
why they leave school without waiting for you, even if you got the same way.

If you should leave them, or not.
You know if you do, you'll be alone.
Otherwise - you are alone.
You are always alone..

Are we still alive or already dying?

Freundin geht heute in ne Klinik.
Depression kehrt zurück.
Mutter stresst.

Ich will sterben, und schlafen, nur schlafen, bis alles vorbei ist..

Everything we want,

is to be saved. Isn't it?
It's hard to life in a world, where most people feel ugly.
Or don't eat. Or eat and get it off again.
Where everyone is scared to get hurt.
To be cheated with someone.
Where no one permits feelings.

We want someone next to us.
Who we can talk about everything to.
Who we can love.
But we need to be able to love.
We need to be able to show feelings.
And I'm not.
I hate myself, my self destruction.
I hate my fucking mind.
I hate my fucking Body.
My legs, my arms, my everything.

We want someone loving.
Someone who is always there.
Someone, who gives us a kiss just before we go to sleep.
Someone, we can trust.
Someone, we can lay next to.
Someone, who calls us at night, just to tell us something sweet.
Someone, who's like the best Friend in the World, and like a boyfriend.
Someone, who seems Perfect.

We want Perfection.

I hate

to fall in love,
to be so far away from you,
to not beeing able to talk to you,
to not knowing the music you're listening right now,
to not knowing in what mood you are.

And i also hate, to have more guys and stuff in my head than i should.



And i hate myself.

(to) forget

Sometimes it's better to forget about people...

but come one. could you forget about a person you love since 9 months?
Could you? I don't think so. Thats reality. You cant.

You can try to get them out of your life.
Delete their numbers from your cell phone.
Delete all of your text's.
Delete them from your IM.
Delete them from your facebook.
If you've got something special from them,
a shirt, a ball, even just a shoelace,
you can put them away, behind your wardrobe,
your sofa, also out of your room, even if you put that
special thing into the garbage.
It WONT go out of your mind.
He or she WONT go out.

the 'funny' thing about that is,
that you just can't forget them because you don't want to.
If you did, you wouldn't need to delet them.
You can ignore them, and life without them.
Even if they're there.




I don't want to forget you.
I want you to 'Wait for me somewhere between reality and all we've ever dreamed'


xoxo'

Tired

Well, you make me sick.
You wont let me sleep, so i'm fucking tired.
I can't think anymore, my body is breaking down.
When i'm walking, i have to concentrate so much, that i won't fall down.
I feel like on drugs. I feel like a junkey, like on crack or cocaine.
But am not. Am not even drunk, ok, i drink but just at weekend.
I know, i'm on a drug.. You're my drug. I can't stop it.

I can't sleep without that you're spooking around in my dreams,
to many times, to many bad things, but i wish they would be real..



A perfect evening would be, that we're laying on the sofa, you've made a coffee for me.
We spend our time by waching a movie, and i can cuddle me on your shoulder.
That would be perfect.


xoxo'

I want snow outside.
I want to lay down somewhere, and forget the time.
I want to be outside to long.
I want to be fucking skinny.
I want to be anerexic.
I want to see my bones again.
I want to be able to touch them.
I want to say

I've made it.



It makes me sick to chat you, and you're not texting back.
It makes me sick.