(to) forget

Sometimes it's better to forget about people...

but come one. could you forget about a person you love since 9 months?
Could you? I don't think so. Thats reality. You cant.

You can try to get them out of your life.
Delete their numbers from your cell phone.
Delete all of your text's.
Delete them from your IM.
Delete them from your facebook.
If you've got something special from them,
a shirt, a ball, even just a shoelace,
you can put them away, behind your wardrobe,
your sofa, also out of your room, even if you put that
special thing into the garbage.
It WONT go out of your mind.
He or she WONT go out.

the 'funny' thing about that is,
that you just can't forget them because you don't want to.
If you did, you wouldn't need to delet them.
You can ignore them, and life without them.
Even if they're there.




I don't want to forget you.
I want you to 'Wait for me somewhere between reality and all we've ever dreamed'


xoxo'

Tired

Well, you make me sick.
You wont let me sleep, so i'm fucking tired.
I can't think anymore, my body is breaking down.
When i'm walking, i have to concentrate so much, that i won't fall down.
I feel like on drugs. I feel like a junkey, like on crack or cocaine.
But am not. Am not even drunk, ok, i drink but just at weekend.
I know, i'm on a drug.. You're my drug. I can't stop it.

I can't sleep without that you're spooking around in my dreams,
to many times, to many bad things, but i wish they would be real..



A perfect evening would be, that we're laying on the sofa, you've made a coffee for me.
We spend our time by waching a movie, and i can cuddle me on your shoulder.
That would be perfect.


xoxo'

I want snow outside.
I want to lay down somewhere, and forget the time.
I want to be outside to long.
I want to be fucking skinny.
I want to be anerexic.
I want to see my bones again.
I want to be able to touch them.
I want to say

I've made it.



It makes me sick to chat you, and you're not texting back.
It makes me sick.

Monsieur?

Well, we spent time together, but that does not make it better.
No, it just hurts more and more.
Everyday i'm waiting for  you. Texting me.
I'm stupid. I know, we'll never be. But i know, that i love you.
I know, that i  try to forget you. I know that i already tried it and i've failed.
I tried to delet you from my life. I deleted you from my phone, my messenger, my pc.
But i can't keep you out of my brain. It doesn't works. It's like hell. really.
I want to spend more time with you. Not everyday, but sometimes a week. A moth. A year.

You make me meak. You really do.

If i think of you, i can't feel my fingers anymore.
Did you EVER got that feeling when you saw a person you might love?
At any person on your life? I did. I do. Yes i do. 

It's just like.. I've been trough so much shit in my life, that nothing can hurt anymore.

Yep, i still think of you.

Why should I ever stop?
Cause you're there and we'll never meet? No, i wont.
I know, there must be an other girl in his life. It must be.
Just like theres another boy in my life.

My weight? Too much.
I hate myself for letting the control go.
I've got fat. I'm now at 72 kg and not at 67 anymore.
FUCK! I need to stop getting more fat. Believe me.
I do fight. But it's hard if you've lost the control once.
I think it's getting more easy to loose weigh in spring or summer,
because you're not the whole time at home, in your bed, eating cookies
with friends and so on. No, you're moving. You're ride bike, go and skate
and so on. Yeah. I LOVE summer and i keep on going and win this summer and i won't get that fat this time.

I WILL WIN!

And sometimes i ask myself, if it was good to find you.
Well, i would everytime reply with yes. It is good.
But why did we found us? Was it fate?
Normally, i don't believe in fate. But i think.
WE are something special.  Even if there is no we.
Actually i can't imange a life without you.
I would like to know how you think about that. 
Or, do you even think about that? About us?
About me? About me an you in future?                                                     I do!


Your name is spinning around in my head all day long.
From the first moment when i woke up. To the last,
when i fall asleep. You're always there. And i'm never alone.
Even if i don't know you. Don't know you in reality.
I think i'm a little bit lost without you.
You're my bank. My sea. My drug to stand in life.
To stay alive. To not go crazy. I think. I'm in love with you.
It might  be love or something else, it doesn't matters much to me,
because i know i can't loose something i've never had.
I'm addicted to you. But what are you to me?